That class!

"That Class is not any religious sect, an extremist outfit, or racial or ethnic group of a political party. That Class also does not belong to nationalistic political thoughts different from those I might have. No. That Class is something else"

I would never like to be counted as part of That Class. You may not know The Class I am writing about in this piece of The Side Mirror. But if you keep reading this column till the end, you will surely come to know about it.

Maybe, once you are in the middle of this 600-plus word piece, you will be aware of the subject. First thing first: That Class is not any religious sect, an extremist outfit, or racial or ethnic group of a political party. That Class also does not belong to nationalistic political thoughts different from those I might have. No. That Class is something else, this is what, I hope, you will never like to be.

I took up That Class to discuss in this piece because I often bump into a few of these everywhere – gym, club, shopping malls, public offices, family gatherings and so on. That Class comes in several variations because it is everywhere. I will begin at an eatery in DHA where after placing my order at the counter the other day, I headed toward the restroom to wash my hands but between me and a couple of other people and our common destination, though, stood a member of That Class.

I must keep the member genderless, so a person of That Class stood there blocking the way and was so brooding over whatever was on their mobile phone screen that they really did not know or was not bothered about the clogged-up passage. I stood there silently waiting for the lucky moment when That Class member would notice me and the others back in the queue.

That Class. As I stood silent, a woman behind me politely asked me to pass on her ‘excuse me’ to the member of That Class but I just smiled and stood silent for a while when that person noticed the line and moved a bit so that we all were able to sidle by and move to the basin. Whenever I encounter That Class, I prefer not to communicate with them. Reason: That Class may treat you in a way that will ruin your day.

That Class, as I said earlier, has several variations, not necessarily restricted to those using (or overusing) mobile phones at public places creating nuisances for the people around them. I have made a list of the people belonging to That Class and I am sure you can add more to the list because I am sure all of you come across them everywhere and that you never like to become like them.

That Class:

1) Always has one hand on the horn whenever they are on the road. Whenever they see a person crossing the road, they will honk their horn; when they stop at a traffic signal, they will sound their horns. They will blow their horn whenever they see anything in front of them.

2) Uses dirty language on social media, especially in WhatsApp groups and on Facebook.

3) Brands their leaders as living saints and dubs the leaders of the other political party as Modi and Hitler.

4) Watch TV talk shows, and later on, use the arguments of the anchors and other participants as their own.

5) Never buys newspapers and books and tell you that the era of print is over.

6) Can name all Shah Rukh Khan’s films but ask them to spell ‘haphazard’, and they look stupid.

7) Uses dazzling but meaningless corporate vocabulary in their day-to-day talk, even with their domestic staff.

8) Does not watch Imran Khan’s speech, Maryam Nawaz’s media talk and Bilawal Bhutto’s speech at an international forum but asks you what they said.

9) Uses half Urdu and half English in their WhatsApp messages.

10) Will call you biased when you politely disagree with their arguments.

11) Calls political leaders, journalists and every person who is somebody with vile names.

I don’t want to be in That Class. If you do not buy my arguments, you’re biased.

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