My life and my struggle 

I have been suffering from this mental illness for so many years, and I don’t know what to do. Sixty-five percent of my life has been spent suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder and schizophrenia. My mother is Mahrukh Butt, and she is with me here in Lahore. I don’t know when these sufferings will end. It has crossed the limits, you know. I am in Lahore, Pakistan right now.

The day before yesterday I was so unwell. I was in Lahore at my home, and I heard voices for more than five hours, and I was getting a severe headache, and I was going through hell, and I still am. I don’t know what to do. The sufferings have no intention of stopping. We are born into this world with no fault of our own, and there is only misery in this life.

I hear voices almost every day for hours, and as you know, I have been having compulsions for more than fifteen years now, and that is not a joke. They tell me that if I don’t do the compulsions, then something bad will happen to me. I want to go to Karachi with my friend Alina Mehmood, who is six years older than me and used to come to our house in Islamabad when my father was alive, when we used to have parties at our house in Khudadad Heights. The party used to start at ten at night and go on till four in the morning, and the music was playing, and everything was rocking.

I will go to Karachi by plane, and that will cost over forty thousand rupees, and I will go to Dolmen Mall and also to Liberty Books, though it is very expensive. The music in the background reminds me of London and Bangkok. My relative Hassan Raza Sherazi has gone to England, and I will go straight to Islamabad when he comes back, as a matter of fact.

The thing I love to do is travel by plane. I love going to Thailand, and also writing books and articles. We went to New York City twice, to my father’s friend’s house in the suburb of Millburn. I love to write articles for Pakistani newspapers, although I get no money for doing so, as a matter of fact.

A few months ago, I was in my bedroom here in Lahore, and I was waiting for the aliens to come and abduct me, but no one came. They had to take me to their planet or to the moon, although the American government is actually covering up aliens and these sorts of conspiracy theories, and they do not want the public to know the reality and the truth behind aliens. But I know that they exist.

I am in Lahore, Pakistan right now. I spent twenty-five days in Islamabad, Pakistan, and now I have shifted into my house in Cantt. I really want to go to Karachi, Pakistan, as I need a break.