Patriarchy Behind Educated Doors

Patriarchy Behind Educated Doors

By Maryam Basheer

For decades, society has repeated a comforting belief : EDUCATION CHANGES PEOPLE. We honor academic accomplishments as if each degree is a assurance of compassion, justice and knowledge. BUT is that always true?

The answer is far more complicated in many South Asian homes. Some families proudly claim to be homes of highly educated professionals such as doctors, engineers, teachers, nurses and others. Certificates that represent years of deligence and academic success are displayed on their home walls. However, no acheivement has been able to end the struggles that daughters still face behind those same walls.

“Patriarchy does not always wear the face of ignorance. Sometimes, it wears graduation gown”

One of the biggest misconceptions of our society is that discrimination can be eliminated by education. Formal education undoubtedly gives people skills and information, but it does not always refute beliefs passed down through generations. It is possible to become expert in science, medicine or engineering without ever challenging the notion that men should have unquestionable authority in the home.

Daughters are encouraged in many homes to pursue education, get degrees and land decent careers. This seems like a progress at first glance. However, there are frequent unseen conditions attached to their schooling. Their opinions are still negotiable but their salary is appreciated. Their right to take part in family decisions is subtly disregarded but their financial contributions are demanded. This contradiction deserves honest reflection.

What does it truly mean to educate a daughter if she is never trusted to make decisions about her own life?

Too often, obedience is mistaken for respect. Women are taught that saying ‘YES’ is a virtue. While questioning decisions is labelled as arrogance and disobedience. Silence becomes the price of acceptance. Gradually, many begin to believe that expressing their thoughts is a privilege reserved for others. Patriarchy reveals itself through everyday interactions at home that are considered insignificant. Humiliation over minor household matters, constant criticism, mocking remarks disguised as jokes and putting disproportionate blame on women may seem ordinary to those who witness them daily. Yet these experiences slowly erode confidence, dignity and self-worth.

“Violence is not always physical”. sometimes it is spoken. Sometimes it is repeated so often that it becomes normalized. Perhaps, the most painful aspect of patriarchy is that it often survives within families which genuinely consider themselves educated and progressive. As a society, we often celebrate daughters for becoming professionals. Perhaps, it is time to ask a more important question:

Have we educated ourselves to respect them as equal human beings?

Real education is not measured by degrees hanging on the walls, it is measured by how we speak to those who have less power than we do. It is reflected in whether daughters are heard as carefully a sons, whether wives are respected instead of blamed and whether women are valued for their humanity rather than merely for their financial contribution.

“Indeed, Allah commands justice, excellence and kindness”. (Quran 16:90)

The greatest reform our society needs is not another university or another degree, it needs the courage to unlearn the belief that authority belongs to one gender and dignity belongs to other. Only then education will become more than a certificate.